I was raised in the age of freedom, the ’60s and ’70s were a free for all freedom to be all that I wanted to be. I was an utter failure at being Lee. I am reading a great book my wife gave me, New Morning Mercies, by David Tripp, as part of God’s morning time with me. This morning I read, “When I acknowledge that I am a danger to myself and submit to the authority, wisdom, and grace of God, I am not killing any hope I have for freedom. The opposite is true.” I can remember the day this stark absolute truth came to me. I was laying on a hospital gurney in the hallway of Saint Mary’s Hospital in Knoxville TN, July of 1986, staring up at a florescent light on my way to another surgery, the latest in a long line of failed surgeries. At that moment I realized what a failure I had been at trying to be Lee Benson and I just gave up. Everything in me had warred against me giving up. I was not a quitter, losers never win and winners never loose, go for the gusto!!! and I had almost killed myself. We are all the ultimate danger to our self, and if we give our self free reign we will ultimately kill our self. Freedom to be me was my ultimate goal I just had for years refused Him, “If the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.” I had found at last the way to be Lee, albeit “dimly”, and finally “came to my senses.”
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| "Free at last. Free at last. Thank God Almighty I am free at last." |
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